| 1288 o |
The currency used in SPONGE. |
| Unlovable Cat |
If you say you love this cat, you're a liar. Nobody loves this thing. |
| Protection Charm x35 |
Keeps you safe, but breaks after one use. |
| Reaper's Scythe |
The surest way to gain immortality. You can't reap what has been sowed???? |
| Helix Blade |
Said to have divided the world in twain and united it once again. Legend says it whispered to its weilder, but it now sits silently. |
| Entry-level Elf |
Your first elf. You can always upgrade to a more expensive Elf when you feel ready. |
| Your Favorite OST |
Really lifts your spirits when you need it. |
| Batteries |
Make things go beep and boop! |
| Mysterious Seeds |
Plant them or eat them. Results will vary either way. |
| Trophy |
World's Greatest Sparlorite! I totally deserve this! |
| Muscle Relaxant |
Become loose as a goose! No more tears, only sweet relief. You might become one with the floor. |
| Plain Cat |
He's always been told he's nothing special. Could he be special to you? |
| Bahamut |
What? How could you possibly think you could contain it? |
| Innocent Cog |
It has never killed its wife before. |
| Plush Pink Robe |
Embroidered with your number, beautiful sparkly tassels and BIG pockets - for your dagger, and such. |
| Torrent Painting |
Looking at it stirs you in a way you can't explain. |
| Bag o' Tricks x21 |
Full of nefarious goodies. Maybe it has something that will help you steal an item off of someone else. |
| Solomon's Ring |
Summon and command all demons and speak with the animals. You might rule the world, too. |
| Ring of Ra |
An ornate ring of protection, totally not tomb-robbed! Protects from curses, danger and black magic. |
| Right Arm of the Forbidden One |
A forbidden right arm sealed by magic. Whosoever breaks this seal will know infinite power. |
| Beaded Panties |
Woven with the strongest and prettiest beads, capable of holding even the strongest balls of steel! |
| Bazooka of Blood |
Badass. |
| Moonlight Dagger |
Elegant form, decorated with opal gemstones. Gets an eerie glow at full moon... |
| Towering Tool Belt x7 |
Holds all your essential Tower-tinkering-tools, such as your dagger, chloroform, cookies and rocks. |
| Hunky DTI Poster x79 |
Adorn your floor with this rare and smoldering vintage poster of the Master of the Tower. Droolcup not included. |
| Slushee Cannon |
Flavors: Grape Escape, Tangerine Twist and Buster Lime. Blast your friends with frozen sticky drinks! Vodka not included. |
| Pen Knife |
This pen probably isn't mightier than a sword, but at least you can sign your name with it.. In blood. |
| Floor Floosher 4000 x3 |
Syrup on your ceiling? Pesky slices of pizza on the floor? Not anymore! Your personal Floor Floosher can clean your floor in under 94 hours! |
| Knife Pen |
Honestly this knife doesn't write very well, but it'll open your letters, and probably your palm. |
| Spanish Flu |
It's just in a jar. You don't know when the next outbreak is, but you do know it'll be done by your hand. |
| Stealth Dagger 3000 |
Be the stealthiest rogue at any sacrifice. Camouflages into anything you're wearing. Needs no cleaning. |
| Sexy Sinjury Poster x16 |
Depicts sauce being poured over a bunch of tentacles on a bed of rice. |
| Ancient Relic |
Unearthed on bottom level X-660 of the Tower. It has a faint glow, and you hear a distant whooshing.. |
| Hugbox |
Tired of debates? Need a cuddly break? Retreat into your own cozy Hugbox, built and trademarked by Jean Claude Van Ma'am. Fits three. |
| Telepathic Tower Tiger |
He lurked in the shadows. As you stepped on his tail, he locked into your mind and now.. He always knows when you've got food. |
| Commemorative Pumpkin |
I celebrated Halloween in the Tower 2023! BOO! |
| Reapers Robe |
Smooth black velvet, lush orange silk lining. Enormous and ominous hood. Silver skull detailing. Endless pockets. Extra swooshy. |
| Pack of Blood |
What do you mean? Of course it's fake blood.. Why? What have you heard? |
| Obscene Phone Call |
Why would you want this? What good can come out of this? |
| Plant Egg |
You found a plant. It laid an egg. You took the egg. It hatched a... Oh, fuck.. |
| Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch |
Lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it! |
| Holy Water Bottle |
Quench your sinful thoughts or scold your demonic pals with water blessed by the Rudest of Ministers, the Pastor Sarcastor. |
| A Random Pile Of Fats |
A delicious platter of fats. Harvested from the freshest meat the Spiral has to offer. |
| Shiny Spiral Ornament |
I celebrated christmas 2023 in the Tower! Just don't tell anyone what I did at the Christmas party.. |
| Assassin's Blade |
Will definitely get the job done. Quick as a shadow, light as a feather, cool as a cucumber. Swoosh! |
| Towering Heels |
Strut the Tower in style with these gorgeous heels that will go with everything, even blood - which will make them sparkle. Secret dagger hidden in heel. |
| Crate of Carrots |
Feed of the champions. The number one snacky choice of the number one strongman of the Spiral Tower. Guaranteed crunch! Munch! |
| Cuprum Tempest |
They say the intricate pattern was engraved by a storm; it's edge tempered by a 135 year old samurai. |
| The One Token |
Celebrated the One year anniversary of the Tower, took part in the sacrificial blood ritual and had some pie. |
| Holocron |
Efficiently stores secret information, or hunky pictures, up to you. |
| Yogurt |
Perfect for those deep-in-the-night, midnight-moon-howling type of cravings. |
| Azure Dagger |
Glistens like lightning and glows when it rains. Forged from the finest blue Spiralian Steel. |
| Cool Mike Plushie |
SpiP #5000 - He's Mike, he's the coolest! Pockets full of teeny rocks & minerals, comes with a tiny rock collecting kit and amazing facts. He ROCKS! |
| Bang Bang |
What was that? |
| Pizza Pie Dagger |
The true multi-purpose dagger for all your sacrificial, pizza slicin' and pie cuttin' needs! |
| Belt of Batarangs |
This utility belt comes fully stocked with all the gadgets a caped vigilante could need, from grappling hooks to bat-shaped boomerangs. |
| Giggle Gummy Bears |
Bursts into fits of barely controlled laughter when you bite into it. Has the same effect on you in approximately 30 minutes later. |
| Octarine Lollipop |
Each eight lick tastes like a different kind of chaos. |
| Giant Pool Noodles |
Exactly what it sounds like. Turn any pool in the Tower into the biggest cup of ramen you've ever seen! Yum! |
| Sonic Screwdriver of Space-time Shenanigans |
With this versatile tool, you can hack into alien technology, unlock doors, and even fix the occasional plot hole in the fabric of reality. |
| Free Hugs x2 |
Sometimes a good hug is very important. And so are you, friend. |
| Stop Sign |
It doesn't feel like you should own this. |
| S.H.I.T Power Alert |
Love greeting fresh meat? Are you confusingly helpful?Are you definitely not affiliated with any sort of cult? This is THE batsignal for the Spiral Helper Info Team! Big flashy button! MEEP, MEEP, FRESH MEAT DETECTED! Get yours NOW! |
| Lip-Teeth Arrows |
Honestly? The most disgusting weapon. Dug out from an old locker in that one room, you know? You know the room. Shoot someone with this and if the wound doesn't kill them, the horror will. |
| Sinewy Spiral Sweets |
Crafted in the old laboratory, our mad scientists have finally done it! They've perfected the plag...the, perfect way to make sweets out of...meats! Yum! |
| Handmade Card x2 |
I made this with my own little hands, you couldn't wish for more! Fingerpaints, glitter and stickers galore! Hugs. |
| Fairy Dust Pop Rocks |
Makes you sparkle. |
| The Wire Portals |
Careful! Teleports you anywhere your heart desires, allowing easy access throughout the Tower, but.. Instead of the usual pain-free disintegration, you get sliced to pieces by wires and reassembled. Ouch..unless you're into that. |
| Nervous Ball of Wreck |
A deceivingly small metallic orb the size of a marble. Capable of relieving 5 pints worth of stress per day, or wrecking 3000 tons of any materia by a light flick of it - your choice. |
| Classy Dagger |
Finest Damascus steel, golden spiraly details, inscribed with your number. Perfect for sacrifices. |
| Emotional Support x3 |
There for you, friend. |
| Ale Spit Thrower |
There broods an ale-brewing dragon in the depths beneath the Tower. This flame-thrower spews its fizziest spitfire packing a punch strong enough to take out a man with one loogie. |
| Sparkling Dagger |
Blindingly bedazzled to distract and mesmerize your sacrifices, or just to add a little bling for a fancy night out. |
| Feels x3 |
I feel you. I felt that. You feel me? All the feels. |
| Spongy Dagger |
Shhh! It's foam! Don't tell anyone! Looks super real, and is handy when you're just not feelin' it and ain't really in a sacrificin' mood, but don't wanna be left out or a party pooper. |
| Diamond Dagger |
Sacrifice in style. Always razor sharp. Embedded with Spiralian Diamonds that glow as the blood flows. |
| Cosmic Spiral Rucksack |
Sturdy and dagger-proof! Changes color depending on your mood. Pockets and holders for your daggers, robe, even your swiss hot chocolate! Hidden compartment containing a black hole, for.. reasons. |
| Simple Row Boat |
Stocked with girly man inside. |
| The Unforgiven |
Shining with a strange black aura, this forgotten sword of legend now sits in a thrift store, waiting for its next vict- (ahem) owner. |
| Time |
Time is money. |
| Pre-wrapped Bacon |
If only I had a million dollars... |
| Teeny Tiny Tussie Mussie |
The finest of flowers, so colorful and small. No words are needed, for the flowers say it all. |
| Magicked Notebook |
When you look at a page, it transcribes the notes you want to take automatically. Sometimes it's a little eager, though, and will write down stuff you wanted to keep secret. |
| Lovely Lactase Pills |
An easy to chew and swallow pill. Eradicates your intolerance. Not just for milk, though. |
| Proper Gourmet Hotdog |
Hot DOG this was good. Great for any day of the week. |