| 3961 o |
The currency used in SPONGE. |
| Step-Cousin IT |
He's very fluffy and has to be combed daily, but...can you trust it |
| Portable Mistletoe |
The perfect excuse to smooch anyone, anywhere! Mwah! |
| Ultimate Robe 9000 |
Shine. Stealth. Tassels. Pockets. Straps. Hooks. Gadgets. Power. Prestige. Glory. |
| Ring of Gyges |
Gives you the power of invisibility and anonymity. Will you use it for good or evil? Please don't kill the king! |
| FLUSH Freshener |
Make your flushes a bit more pleasant with the lovely scents of forest flowers and juicy fruits! |
| Tentacle of Sins |
Fully functional grappling-tentacle. Snap, whip, hoist, lasso and squish your friends and foes with ease! |
| Knife Pen |
Honestly this knife doesn't write very well, but it'll open your letters, and probably your palm. |
| Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch |
Lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it! |
| Disembodied Dog Bark |
Spook your friends by leaving it in their house. |
| Pen Knife |
This pen probably isn't mightier than a sword, but at least you can sign your name with it.. In blood. |
| Floor Floosher 4000 x2 |
Syrup on your ceiling? Pesky slices of pizza on the floor? Not anymore! Your personal Floor Floosher can clean your floor in under 94 hours! |
| Never-bouncing Bouncy Ball |
It never bounces! Does this still qualify as a bouncy ball? Philosophy students ponder. |
| Towering Tool Belt |
Holds all your essential Tower-tinkering-tools, such as your dagger, chloroform, cookies and rocks. |
| Stealth Dagger 3000 |
Be the stealthiest rogue at any sacrifice. Camouflages into anything you're wearing. Needs no cleaning. |
| Hunky DTI Poster x3 |
Adorn your floor with this rare and smoldering vintage poster of the Master of the Tower. Droolcup not included. |
| FLUSH! T-Shirt |
I SURVIVED THE FLUSH AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET THIS T-SHIRT, I BOUGHT IT! |
| Sacrificial Spiral Shank |
Simple. Sharp. Efficient. Oooh! It has Spirals too! |
| Super Bowl Ring |
What do you mean false advertising? It's a really super bowl-ring! Fits a teaspoon of rice or cereal easy! |
| Bag o' Tricks |
Full of nefarious goodies. Maybe it has something that will help you steal an item off of someone else. |
| Child-made Lemonade |
Has whole chunks of lemon. How it was made was questionable. |
| Hunky Bibbleskit Poster |
As requested by DTI! |
| Droolcup |
Limited-time accessory! Hunky DTI poster not included. |
| Spiral Crown |
Spiralian gold, mined from the depths of the Tower. Oranate detailing with gemstones. Does this make you royalty? |
| Fuzzy Maal Wall Rug |
Garish and captivating, extra fuzzy, massively muscly and decorated with sparkly beads. Hand-woven by skilled tentacles. Also doubles as a warm quilt. |
| Traffic Lights |
For when the Tower gets a bit too crowded for your liking. Control the chaos. |
| Commemorative Pumpkin |
I celebrated Halloween in the Tower 2023! BOO! |
| Scary Stories of the Tower x2 |
An anthology of bone-chilling and cursed tales. The pages were found behind a bricked up wall in the tombs.. |
| Sinjury Costume |
Move in the shadows, spreading glitter wherever you go. Very tentacly, extra squish. |
| Hunky DTI Costume |
Be the man himself! Banhammer, yorkshire pudding and english accent included. |
| Pack of Blood |
What do you mean? Of course it's fake blood.. Why? What have you heard? |
| Reapers Robe |
Smooth black velvet, lush orange silk lining. Enormous and ominous hood. Silver skull detailing. Endless pockets. Extra swooshy. |
| Special Halloween Dagger |
Black blade with spiral damascus, orange wooden handle with skeleton pins and a pumpkin pommel. |
| Hugbox |
Tired of debates? Need a cuddly break? Retreat into your own cozy Hugbox, built and trademarked by Jean Claude Van Ma'am. Fits three. |
| How To Spiral 101 x5 |
What is this place? What do the numbers mean? Help, I got flushed? Find weird answers for all your questions! |
| Holy Water Bottle |
Quench your sinful thoughts or scold your demonic pals with water blessed by the Rudest of Ministers, the Pastor Sarcastor. |
| Commemorative Eggplant |
'Member when the Tower flooded with eggplants? I 'member. |
| Sparkly Glitter Robe |
Shine brighter than your dagger! Multicolored sequins that change color according to your mood. Two pockets, fuzzy lining. |
| Shiny Spiral Ornament |
I celebrated christmas 2023 in the Tower! Just don't tell anyone what I did at the Christmas party.. |
| Ice Bathed Sealnog |
Hits you right in the noggin'! Brewed in the icy fresh waters of Sweden by the cuddliest seal you've ever seen! |
| Maals Mighty Mash |
Hand smashed and mashed to perfection by the man himself. Caution, may contain sparkly beads. |
| Nylockians Sex Tape |
In the mood for this limited edition crotch pizza extravaganza? Outrageously hot, steamy, XXX rated and banned in 69 countries!! |
| Sexy Sinjury Poster |
Depicts sauce being poured over a bunch of tentacles on a bed of rice. |
| Tentacly Body Pillow |
Feelin' lonesome? Could do with a squishy arm around you? Feel safe and squished as you float in the dreamlands! |
| Sacrificial Wellies |
The finest rubber boots of the Spiral! Sure grip, silent, bloodproof, easy to wash and so strong, they're guaranteed to withstand slicing and stabbing. |
| Golden Plunger Award |
A fancy golden plunger statue. Pure Spiralian gold and beautifully engraved: I WAS PLUNGED, AND I'M PROUD! |
| DTI's Fatherly Hug |
Now, this is very rare. And he'll never admit to it, but nonetheless, you got it. Cherish it. |
| The One Token |
Celebrated the One year anniversary of the Tower, took part in the sacrificial blood ritual and had some pie. |
| Snakes' Eternal Drink |
A magically perpetual drink of ever-changing delicious flavor. Never go thirsty again with this snakey concoction. |
| Soothing Squish |
Sometimes all you need is a good squish. Transforms to any sort of squish of your liking. |
| Frequent Flushing Miles x2 |
ONLY FOR THE FLUSHED! Have you been flushed once? Buy one. Been flushed twice? Buy two, and so on. |
| Ultimate Spiral Goggles |
Dope as hell. Equipped with X-Ray vision, treasure detection, fresh meat scanners, party mode and night vision. |
| Inflatable FLUSH Suit |
In case of flushing, the suit automatically inflates making your FLUSH a luxurious and relaxing float as you go for a joyride down the pipes. |
| Conspiracy Theories |
Why are there 2 Scotts? Why is it called the fl-USHER? What does DTI REALLY stand for?! Tinfoil hat included. |
| Jellybeans of Joy |
A humongous bag of colorful little jellybeans, that may or may not be laced with something.. Try one! You'll be ecstatic! |
| Ruby Slippers |
With a click of your heels, you're teleported down to the Tower Gardens. |
| Fancy Spiral Bouquet x3 |
A stunning bouquet of gorgeous roses from the Tower gardens, colorful Spiral hydrangeas and scented hyacinths. |
| Potatoes |
PO-TA-TOES. |
| Candy Apples |
Straight from the appletree atop the Tower! Dipped in sticky-sweet caramel and topped with delicious sprinkles. |
| Godzilla |
A challenging pet. He's not too happy about anything and would like you to make efforts to expand the mote. |
| Pocket-sized Port-a-Portal Parchment x2 |
This magical parchment, paired with a crayon of your choice, allows adventurers to create temporary portals to different levels of the endless tower. |
| Gryphon's Gourmet Grub |
These gourmet rations are fit for a king – or at least a gryphon. It’s seeds. Just seeds, but the name makes you want them more, right? Right? |
| Glittery Pouch of Perplexing Possibilities |
Keep all your makeup, keys, gadgets, and gizmos organized in this sparkling accessory that's bigger on the inside. |
| Cocktail Wieners |
A delicious array of severed little wieners of varying states of imitated decomposition. Don't worry, they're absolutely scrumptious! |
| Assfuck's Ginger Beer |
After some trial and error, efforts were successful! ..and there may be a finger somewhere in there. Enjoy! |
| Personal Plumber |
It's always good to have a plumber handy! Caution: he needs plumbs to survive. |
| Plumb Bush |
Do plumbs grow on a bush? Well they do now. |
| Bubo the Mechanical Owl |
A very GOOD BOY. |
| Octarine Lollipop x4 |
Each eight lick tastes like a different kind of chaos. |
| Fairy Dust Pop Rocks x2 |
Makes you sparkle. |
| Caffeine Captain's Chair |
Take command of your morning routine with this oversized chair equipped with a built-in coffee machine, cup holders and a mini-fridge for storing your coffee condiments of choice. |
| Sonic Screwdriver of Space-time Shenanigans |
With this versatile tool, you can hack into alien technology, unlock doors, and even fix the occasional plot hole in the fabric of reality. |
| Canadian Dick Scott Splushie |
SpiP #040 - He may not be Canadian. He may not be a dick. He may not even be a Scott, but he has a flapping PacMan-like head and dreams of dragonballs! |
| A-10 Warthog |
For when you need a brrrrtttt with wings. |
| Belt of Batarangs |
This utility belt comes fully stocked with all the gadgets a caped vigilante could need, from grappling hooks to bat-shaped boomerangs. |
| Cloak of Concealment |
This cloak doesn't just hide you from sight – it also makes you completely forgettable! Perfect for avoiding awkward conversations, and generally blending into the background. Matching it with the Glittering Gloves of Gripping and Grabbing Attention will make you an ordinary amount of memorable. |
| Giggle Gummy Bears x2 |
Bursts into fits of barely controlled laughter when you bite into it. Has the same effect on you in approximately 30 minutes later. |
| Handmade Card x6 |
I made this with my own little hands, you couldn't wish for more! Fingerpaints, glitter and stickers galore! Hugs. |
| Spiral Sundress |
A classically beautiful floral print with beautiful spiral detailing. Flows in the sunlight, glows in moonlight. Gorgeous! |
| The Spiral Towel |
Don't forget to bring a towel! Perhaps THE most important item you should always have with you in the Spiral, especially on fridays. |
| Sinewy Spiral Sweets |
Crafted in the old laboratory, our mad scientists have finally done it! They've perfected the plag...the, perfect way to make sweets out of...meats! Yum! |
| Towering Lollipop x3 |
Boasting a whopping 164cm (3 bald eagles and a coconut), the towering lollipop swirls towards the sky in a colorful spiral, with 58 different flavors and textures! |
| Lit Tower Phaser |
When there's something strange in your neighborhood... Perfect for stunning, shocking, lighting it up, and of course; groovy spiral raves. |
| Tinned Tower Tuna Treats |
Whether you're on the verge of starvation, a cat owner, or craving a spiral delicacy, these nutrient packed fishy treats will hit the spot! With a shelf-life of over 3028 years, you can really savour them. |
| Wet R.A.T Ship Lore |
That old pirate chest has finally been cracked open! BEHOLD! The wet Rowing Accident Tragedy ship lore! Tragic truths and tales from pirates past. Appendages not included. |
| Glittering Gloves of Gripping and Grabbing Attention |
These gloves not only give you a firm grip on stuff and things, in general, but also draw attention with their eye-catching sequin design. Matching it with the Cloak of Concealment will make you an ordinary amount of memorable. |
| Lore Whip Taters |
The bestest organic tower-taters, lovingly grown, having passed of old age and filled with wisdom - this whip is steeped in delicious Stower lore. |
| Tower Rations x9 |
A tin of essentials; clump of fresh meat, 1 x celery cake, 1 x spiral baguette, box of "raisins", 1 x sippy-cup of sacrificial juice. |
| S.H.I.T Power Alert |
Love greeting fresh meat? Are you confusingly helpful?Are you definitely not affiliated with any sort of cult? This is THE batsignal for the Spiral Helper Info Team! Big flashy button! MEEP, MEEP, FRESH MEAT DETECTED! Get yours NOW! |
| Nervous Ball of Wreck |
A deceivingly small metallic orb the size of a marble. Capable of relieving 5 pints worth of stress per day, or wrecking 3000 tons of any materia by a light flick of it - your choice. |
| Pair of Boobies |
No, you perv. These are majestic blue footed boobies, whom are seeking a lovely home in the Tower. They're quite clumsy and will require assistance to and from the best fish-diving waters of the Tower. In case of emergency, canned sardines will do. |
| Free Hugs x2 |
Sometimes a good hug is very important. And so are you, friend. |
| Spiral Tower Biscuit Tin |
Filled with ginger crush creams, viennese, ballerina cookies, wagon wheels, dog treats, assorted buttons, business cards and that weird tomato with pins stuck in it. Blame Grandma. |
| Cosmic Spiral Rucksack |
Sturdy and dagger-proof! Changes color depending on your mood. Pockets and holders for your daggers, robe, even your swiss hot chocolate! Hidden compartment containing a black hole, for.. reasons. |
| Eel Worship Tart |
The traditional holy dish of the Spiral Tower. Served and offered at every special event, birthday, holiday and sacrifice. Shall NOT be yucked, chucked or disrespected. 'Tis sacred. |
| Teeny Tiny Tussie Mussie |
The finest of flowers, so colorful and small. No words are needed, for the flowers say it all. |
| Towering Tulips |
The most gorgeous tulips from the Spiral gardens, grown with that special....fertilizer. Intoxicating scent, may cause hallucinations. Colors as bright as your presence, as strong as your spirit. Wow! |
| Nightmare Catcher |
Scared to close your eyes? Monsters under your pillow? No more. Hang this mysterious recorder above your bed, and enjoy a fresh VHS tape of all your nightmares in the morning. Movie night is set, YES! |
| Pink Rockin' Robe |
Blindingy HOT pink velvet with an irresistibly silky lining and more pockets than you'll ever need! Perfect for collecting things and storing treasure. Turns into a pillow when needed. |
| Feels x2 |
I feel you. I felt that. You feel me? All the feels. |
| Diamond Dagger |
Sacrifice in style. Always razor sharp. Embedded with Spiralian Diamonds that glow as the blood flows. |
| Stower Pelt Hair |
What a pelt! So beautiful! Warm! Thick! Lustrous! Cuddly! Burly! What animal is it from? That's.. That's besides the point. Just look at it! |
| Spongy Dagger |
Shhh! It's foam! Don't tell anyone! Looks super real, and is handy when you're just not feelin' it and ain't really in a sacrificin' mood, but don't wanna be left out or a party pooper. |
| Emotional Support x3 |
There for you, friend. |
| Sparkling Dagger |
Blindingly bedazzled to distract and mesmerize your sacrifices, or just to add a little bling for a fancy night out. |
| Spiral Cloak of Confusion |
Confused? Wanting to confuse further? This is the cloak for masters of kung-fusion and conning cultusion. What? Ah, working as intended. |
| Fabulous Bouquet |
Absolutley beautifully arranged bouquet. Anyone receiving one would surely be flattered. |
| Soothing Spiral Tea |
A bag of the tastiest blend from the Spiral gardens. Hints of spiralian roses, turnips, mustard and steel. You'll be surprised how soothing it is! |
| Bag of Spiral Delight |
This delicious assortment of candy includes: sour spirals, liquorice towers, DTI's dynamites, marshmallow Ma'ams, flushdrops, sinful squishies, bibble bubbles, musky mulberries, gummy snakes, salty daggers, tooting potatoes and fizzy frogs. |
| Fancy Tea Cup |
Fine porcelain with beautiful hand-painted spirals and floral patterns with glittering golden details. Perfect for afternoon tea with old friends and unsuspecting newcomers. |
| Haunted Spiral Coin |
Proof of surviving Halloween 2024 in the clutches of the spooky Spiral. |
| Boo Brew |
Enjoy a pint of the Spiral's finest Halloween ale! Hints of pumpkin, blood, sweat, and tears. Cheers, friend! |
| Sidekick Spirit |
The presence of a once flushed friend, always by your side. Summon the Stowerling you miss dearly, or gift this to a friend to always be around them, in the good and the bad. |
| Clown Costume |
WE ALL FLUSH DOWN HERE! |
| Sheety Robe |
A plain white 100% cotton robe made from our old sheets; recycling at its best! Two regular pockets, medium hood, nothing too fancy. Doubles as a ghost costume. |
| Handful of Treats x3 |
For looking so fabulous, being so wonderful, and just for showing up! Enjoy! |
| Preserved Pumpkin Pie |
A prehistoric slice of presumptuously poignant pumpkin pie, found in the sealed-off kitchen underneath the Spiral fields. It has a kick to it! Don't operate heavy machinery under the influence of this pie. |
| Blessed Bloodrobe |
Tie-dyed in countless shades of deep red, with a black satin lining, hidden pockets and a pouch for treats. Blessed by the Spiral spirits. |
| Spiral Supernova |
A delightfully gigormous bouquet of freshly picked flowers from the Spiral gardens. The colors are a feast for the eyes and the scent is almost as lovely as you! |
| Rocking Hammer |
A massive hammer for a massive rockhound! Perfect for smashing into anything, breaking rocks and heads. Fancy hammer-polishing cloth and velvet treasure-pouch included. Boom! |
| How To Be A Hunk |
Follow this simple 3-step plan into certain hunkhood and command the drools you deserve wherever you trot your hunky self! Written by the man DTI himself. Drool cup included, you're gonna need it. |
| Tower Tarantula |
Brooding and clever. He shows up when you least expect him, but always when you need him to. |
| Cliffy's Festive Froggies |
It is FLUSHmas, my dudes. |
| Squishy Tentacles of Cheer |
Like a squish in pastry form! Baked with love by a thousand tentacles, quite quickly too! Squishy texture, creamy filling, and sprinkles on top, of course. Qam oou iilth ez i awtgsshu amun on'ma! |
| Bibble's Bubbly Babka |
The perfect dessert for any feast with friends! With beautifully bubbling swirls of chocolate, caramel and bibbly goodness. |
| Muscly Gingerbreadmen |
Ma'am has been baking too, how do you think he got those muscles?! Here's proof, a tin of delicious little muscle-ma'ams, yum! |
| Jingly Spiral Ornament |
A softly jingling golden little memento of celebrating Christmas 2024 in the Spiral Tower. |
| Spiral Herbs of Warmth x3 |
A special selection of the finest seasonal spiral herbs, only harvested during Christmas-time. May cause extraordinary niceness and warm fuzzy feels when added to any dish, or sprinkled on a friend. |
| Spiral Jinglebell x2 |
Attached to any garment, the jingle you create will absolutely dazzle those nearby. Perfect for hypnotizing just about anyone, or just getting jiggy with it! |
| Kiro's Kandy Kanes |
These aren't your ordinary candy canes! Not only do they have the delicious twisting pattern, but they'll twist your tongue too! Guaranteed you'll be speaking in tongues, but it's worth it. |
| Sparkly Spiral Turds |
Don't let the name fool you, the chocolate is top notch and the decorations are masterful! Eating more than two at a time might make you unusually giddy. |
| Colorful Spiral Lights |
Deck the halls, floors and your own window too - in these retro-styled and funky-colored little spiral lights! Very cheerful, super cozy. |
| Derpy's Derpy Deers |
Little Derpy has been baking away, and here's a tin of the derpiest little reindeer-cookies ever! Almost too derpy to eat, no? They're so adorable! |
| Jolly Dagger |
An ornamental double-edged dagger with a gilded blade, red handle, and a big jinglebell-pommel. The double edge makes it perfect for carving ham, cutting up gingerbreadmen and slicing cheeses. Merry daggering! |
| Dragon Jackalope |
This tiny Jackalope cannot fly, but it breathes fire. Perfect for lighting campfires! |